Warning: this is probably going to be very rambly and all over the place. I’m sure I could spend some time editing it and trying to make it more coherent, but I think I’d end up censoring myself or changing the message of my thoughts, so I’m just going to go with it. Messy and uncensored and all.
Last week I read a number of articles about food. Specifically, how the heck much food do we need to eat. (You probably saw them in my link love post).
The resounding message was that the majority of us are under eating.
I thought about it.
Then I thought about it some more.
I reasoned that I am likely under eating.
Because of that I need to eat more. (duh!)
Now, here’s where it gets tricky for me…..A year ago I weighed nearly 10 pounds less than I do now. I saw a number on the scale I hadn’t seen in years. To be completely, brutally honest, I liked it. I liked seeing that number. Heck, I probably even valued that number.
But – here’s the kicker I wasn’t healthy.
I did not lose the weight in a healthy way. I lost the weight through stress. And not eating. And drinking lots of wine. And not sleeping.
I may weigh 10 pounds more, but I’m also probably in the best shape I’ve even been in. I just finished a week where I ran nearly 86km. In ONE FREAKING WEEK. I remember getting into running and being amazed at running 100km in a MONTH, let alone a week.
The logical part of my brain knows I’m healthier now that I was a year ago. That part of my brain also knows I need to eat more. It even knows that if I were to eat more I’d probably lose weight because I’d be feeling my body properly.
The hard part is actually getting there.
See, back in the day of disordered eating I made up these food “rules” for myself and they’ve become so ingrained in my life that I still abide by them, mostly:
- don’t drink juice, juice has calories and is therefore bad
- don’t eat pasta
- dinner should consist only of protein and veggies
- don’t eat after 10pm
- don’t drink your calories
- always order the salad instead of the fries
- don’t snack after lunch – hold out until dinner
- 1200 is the magic number <– ugh. Barf.
- treats should be “earned” through exercise
- it’s okay to eat a lot after a long run, but only one meal
I’m sure there are more than just this, but these are the ones that come to mind, and I have a really hard time getting them out of my head.
Do I think I still suffer from disordered eating? No. I don’t. I can and have and will do things that are “against” my “rules” and I don’t feel guilty about it, I don’t feel like I have to exercise it off and I don’t beat myself up. But regardless, those feelings are still there.
Sometimes I think about going to get a body fat and metabolic analysis done. I think if science told me I need to eat 2400 calories a day to maintain my level of exercise, I’d have an easier time doing it. But when I go to a site (like this one) and enter in my height and weight to determine my RMR, I’m…..hesitant. I’m hesitant to believe that what it’s telling me is accurate.
From reading Giselle’s post on RMR, there’s still some math to be done…See that 1513 number is only 70% of my metabolic function, I still need to add 30% to it to account for doing something other than just laying in bed (no matter how sloth-like I can be at times) plus what I burn when running. Let me tell you, what I burn when running can be a lot.
Pre-exercise I should be consuming ~1960 calories.
Umm, what?! That’s a heck of a lot of calories, yo. Definitely far more than I eat, even with the booze I sometimes consume.
I think I need to eat more.
And…I’m working on it.
Tell me: Do you think you’re eating enough? How does your intake compare to the RMR calculator?
Since it’s Thursday and I’m rambling on and on, I’m linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud. ❤