My Motto

I wrote this post before all the ridiculousness with the failed attempts to register for Seawheeze, so if the timing seems…, that’s why. I’d like to think I wasn’t an asshole yesterday, just frustrated.

I’m not sure if it’s the weather, the time of year, or if I’m just more attuned to it, but I’ve been hearing so many stories of people being rude or inconsiderate lately, and it’s really starting to bother me. Then I get irritated with myself because I’m feeling bothered – see, a little over a year ago, I was one of those angry, snappy people.

photo (35)

The biggest change between then and now is that I’ve made it a goal to love myself. I figure if I love me, then I can hurtful interactions and rudeness roll off my back. It may not always be easy, and, sure, sometimes I stew and want to snark back, but I’ve learned it’s not up to me to change people. I can’t. (I’ve tried).

When I see people fixated on gossiping and judging, or filling holes with materialistic things, I feel badly for them. I know all too well what that’s like (see: buying lots of clothes and two cats). I tried with all my might to fill my sadness with stuff. When that didn’t work, I became pretty miserable. I was all about creating this life that appeared wonderful and perfect and happy – and I guess I did a pretty good job since so many people were shocked when my husband and I separated in 2012.

photo (37)

That was really the catalyst for me to start loving myself.

If I couldn’t love me, then how in the world would I (eventually) be able to love another person?

Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Not at all. I was so used to having a partner to do things with that something simple as buying something for my condo, or going to the movies, or even registering for a race felt odd at first.

And then? I began doing things for me. I started to do things because I wanted to do them, not because I was supposed to.

I started caring less and less about what others thought of me, but generally made it a goal not to purposefully piss people off.

Which bring me to my motto:

Don’t be an asshole

Or, in poster form:

photo (36)

If you don’t love yourself this is difficult.

When you do? It’s so easy.

It doesn’t cost me anything to smile at someone having a bad day, or to make chit-chat at the grocery store.

Since learning to love myself I’m able to make decisions and feel strong in them, even if I know I might hurt someone. Now, I would never intentionally do something to hurt someone (as much as the vindictive, petty part of my bring my think of it on occasion) but sometimes in staying true to me I might hurt someone.

I don’t like it; it’s not a good feeling, but I’d rather stay true to me, than compromise me to make someone happy. Been there – done that; it didn’t turn out so well for me.

While not everything in my life may be how I imagined it would be, I’m much much happier now that I was a year ago, and I love that.

Tell me: Have you struggled with self-love? Are you concerned with what others think of you?

14 thoughts on “My Motto

  1. Nice and thoughtful post. I think we all need to reflect a little now and then. I like the “be the reason someone smiles today.” Self-love is important and should be one of the easiest things to do. Yet people fail miserably. I used to worry what people thought more so when I was younger. I still do at times but then I smack myself in the head for thinking that way 🙂 Glad you’re finding your way to happiness.

    • I find self love to be one of the most challenging things. There are a number of people in my life who are so confident in who they are; it amazes me. I definitely look up to them. I’m really working on caring less and less what people think about me (proivided I’m not being a massive jerk!).

  2. To many times people don’t think about being in the other persons place. We feel bad afterwards, but if you think of how what you say may affect someone it may change the things you say. In the end making someone else happy will make you feel good. At work I love leaving surprises ( even some chocolates) in someone’s box. To hear that they loved knowing someone was thinking about them makes my day.

  3. I was the same way a couple of years ago. Sometimes I actually feel myself slipping back into my old ways, but when I catch myself I try my hardest to think something positive when I’m complaining to myself. I always have this quote “change your thoughts, change your mind” stuck in the back of my mind to remind me to think positive and be nice to everyone. Even though its really, really hard sometimes 😉

    • I’ve definitely been a grump over the past 2 days (spending 3 hours trying – and failing! – to register for a race can do that) but I’ve been really conscious of it. That I’m fit and able to give Lululemon $130 to run is certainly a blessing!

  4. Great post and I love the pictures. Smiling is very important. I remember when my mother in law was in the ICU and we were camping out there. We left to get some much needed food and while my husband went in to pick it up my sister in law and I were in the car with the windows down and the guy parked beside us came back to his car and said really rudely ‘park a little closer next time.’ I didn’t say anything back to him but I turned to my sister in law and said wow if that’s this guy’s biggest problem he’s living a pretty blessed life. A smile goes a long way to brighten someone’s day!

    • Your response to your SIL is so similar to what I would say. It’s unfortunate he was so rude, but if that’s all you have to worry about it sounds great to me 🙂

    • So far, nothing. From what I can tell, their server couldn’t handle the load and they shut down registration after 3 hours yesterday with about 2,000 people registered. Registration will now reopen on Feb 3 at 10am PST (I’m assuming after a server upgrade). The unfortunate part of it, is that it sounds like anyone who was able to set up an account yesterday will now have to start at the beginning. Super frustrating. I had a great time at the race last year, but this disorganiation has left a bad taste in my mouth today. I’m hoping I’ll be less of a grump about it in 10 days. (but really – 10 days?! Ugh.)

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