Talking About Self-Talk


I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume we’ve all experienced negative self talk at some point in our lives.

Up until recently, negative self talk was a huge problem for me. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure my anxiety also played into the negativity and rehashing of situations until eventually I was beating myself up for some pretty normal things. (If you’ve suffered from anxiety, you’ll probably be able to somewhat relate to what I’m talking about).

We hear this lots, “We’re our own worst critic” and I do believe this to be true.

Why is it we’ll say things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to someone else?! It just doesn’t make sense!

During the last bit of training for my marathon, I gained a small amount of weight (which is actually quite common) and it’s decided to hang around for a while. In the past I would have beat myself up for this, criticized everything I ate and decided I needed to workout more and eat less, and even shame myself when I wasn’t “perfect”.

Now, while I’m not entirely thrilled to see a new number on the scale, I also realize this isn’t the end of the world, and I certainly don’t need to be shaming myself for it.

When I do catch myself having a negative moment (and these do happen from time to time) I first make sure I’m not shaming myself. I spent a some time reading Brene Brown’s books last year (The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly), and they’ve helped me to reframe my thoughts. The different between a guilty thought and a shaming thought is guilty focuses on the thing (“I shouldn’t have done that”) and shaming focuses on the person (“Because I did ____ I’m a bad person”).

So, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten an entire pizza by myself, but I can certainly tell you it doesn’t make me a bad person.

See the difference?

In addition to limiting my negative self talk, I’ve also been consciously trying to limit my negative gossip.

After being gossiped about last year, it really helped me to see things in a different light. Being gossiped about sucks. A lot. I’ve also noticed anytime I do gossip, it’s usually to try to feel better about me by putting someone else down.

Now, isn’t that just petty?

You bet it is!

This hasn’t been easy. There have been some friendships that are no longer, and while it’s always sad to lose a friend, I can say that by not having gossip in my life, I’m a happier and better person.

Note: this doesn’t apply to celebrity gossip like Lainey Gossip or Celebitchy – I have to get my fix somewhere!

Limiting gossip and negative self talk doesn’t happen overnight, there are still times where I catch myself in a negative thought, or gossiping, but I’m better able to recognize these situations and move on from them to more positive things.

Tell me: are you stuck in a cycle of negative self talk? What are your thoughts on gossip?

10 thoughts on “Talking About Self-Talk

  1. It’s soooo hard to avoid when gossip and bullying seems to be the normal and an everyday occurrence. After having Warren I’ve become so conscious about how I talk about everything. He repeats everything and I want positive talking to be the norm. My first OHS meeting back to work after having him I was bullied by two coworkers for being back the same weight I was when before I was pregnant. I was shocked at the words coming out of their mouths but I brushed it off. You can’t dwell on it and you have to love yourself just the way you are.

    • Oh my gosh, of all things to talk about. Weight. Ugh. I hate that weight is such a focus – it makes me ragey!
      You’re so right about brushing it off! Just this weekend I heard more rumours about me from my former employer. I haven’t worked there since February and gossip and rumours are still happening. I feel sad for the people spreading lies, you’d think they’d have better things to talk about than speculating on who I am/am not dating/sleeping with. Unbelievable.

  2. Ohh, I used to be all about the negative self talk. In fact, I would use negative self talk as a dieting technique. In high school, my friend and I used to use dry erase markers to write mean things on our mirrors, to discourage us from eating.

    Now, I try to treat myself like i would treat a loved one. I forgive myself, I say nice things to myself, I give myself compliments when I need them, but I’m still honest with myself about things that need improvement.

    Thanks for writing this — it’s a great reminder for the week.

  3. I have a friend who I actually stopped seeing so much of as she loves to relentlessly gossip and put others down and I just got sick of that endless cycle. I think if you have an issue with a friend you should talk about it out in the open otherwise gossiping is just not a good thing for the person doing the gossiping not just who they are gossiping about.

    so inspiring to read how far you have come with positive self talk, definitely something I am trying to work on too.

    Happy Tuesday ❤

    • Hi Jan! Welcome 🙂

      Deciding to no longer associate with gossipy and negatitive people has made such a big change in my life! I very much agree a conversation is FAR better than gossiping/spreading rumours/lies about people.

  4. Pingback: Friday Faves | Cowgirl Runs

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