DId you know that more people commit suicide in September and March than any other months?
I read this a long time ago, and it’s stuck with me ever since. Whenever I feel down in September, I remind myself of this. I remind myself it’s not me but the rapid change in light is messing with me. Hardcore.
Well, it’s not even September yet and I can feel it. I can feel my funks lasting longer.
This past weekend was supposed to be a weekend of recharging and, like many times in life, things didn’t quite go as planned. Instead of rolling with the punches I found myself struggling harder. Running makes me feel whole and alive, and a training run that didn’t go as planned pulled me deeper into that funk.
I’m thankful that I know why I struggle in September and I can plan for it.
Sunday night I awoke at 4am to my cat snuggled under my arm. This is the cat that wouldn’t sleep on the bed when he lived at my dad’s. Who, per my dad, is independent. Well, this guy slept on my lap all weekend (the weekend involved quite a few naps) and snuggled into me Sunday night.
When I was up at 4am there was a lightning storm and I was reminded of the greatness of my God. I was reminded that although I might feel a bit lost after a weekend that didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I am still worthy and loved.
I needed that reminder.
This morning I’ve explicitly planned out my next two weeks of work. I’ve wrapped up on project and will be wrapping up another and I know I need to have a plan in case the funk returns.
Last September was terrible – I was in Yellowknife for work for two weeks; during this time I was under trained for my half marathon and the sale of our condo fell through and it was awful. I believe our subconscious has a memory of months. A month where something bad happened will be difficult, even years later. I know I’m coming into what will be an especially hard season and having the hardness (TWSS) start early has been unsettling, so I’m doing what I can to be strong and get through it.
I’ve been using running as my therapy and my time spent with God, so I’m praying my ankle heals quickly so I can continue to run.