Autumn

DId you know that more people commit suicide in September and March than any other months?

I read this a long time ago, and it’s stuck with me ever since. Whenever I feel down in September, I remind myself of this. I remind myself it’s not me but the rapid change in light is messing with me. Hardcore.

Well, it’s not even September yet and I can feel it.  I can feel my funks lasting longer.

This past weekend was supposed to be a weekend of recharging and, like many times in life, things didn’t quite go as planned. Instead of rolling with the punches I found myself struggling harder. Running makes me feel whole and alive, and a training run that didn’t go as planned pulled me deeper into that funk.

I’m thankful that I know why I struggle in September and I can plan for it.

Sunday night I awoke at 4am to my cat snuggled under my arm. This is the cat that wouldn’t sleep on the bed when he lived at my dad’s. Who, per my dad, is independent. Well, this guy slept on my lap all weekend (the weekend involved quite a few naps) and snuggled into me Sunday night.

When I was up at 4am there was a lightning storm and I was reminded of the greatness of my God. I was reminded that although I might feel a bit lost after a weekend that didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I am still worthy and loved.

I needed that reminder.

This morning I’ve explicitly planned out my next two weeks of work. I’ve wrapped up on project and will be wrapping up another and I know I need to have a plan in case the funk returns.

Last September was terrible – I was in Yellowknife for work for two weeks; during this time I was under trained for my half marathon and the sale of our condo fell through and it was awful. I believe our subconscious has a memory of months. A month where something bad happened will be difficult, even years later. I know I’m coming into what will be an especially hard season and having the hardness (TWSS) start early has been unsettling, so I’m doing what I can to be strong and get through it.

I’ve been using running as my therapy and my time spent with God, so I’m praying my ankle heals quickly so I can continue to run.

Do you find any month to be harder than others?

5 thoughts on “Autumn

  1. September is the worst for me. I hate the transitioning of seasons, the start of a new school year, and the upcoming holidays. haha. I sound like a right grump! I love fall, and winter isn’t too bad either, I just hate getting there. I hope you start feeling better soon. I know what you’re going through. It’s not just you. 🙂

    • I like what you said, it’s not fall, it’s getting there. That’s so correct.
      I feel like a grump right now, when I truly have NOTHING to be grumpy about. Suck it September! 😉

  2. It is the changing of the sunlight that really does it. But you know what? Are you not the same girl you were last september, you are in a much better healthier mind set now and i have so much faith that this year won’t be anywhere near as hard as it was last year for you.

    • You’re so right! The beginning of this week definitely put me in a funk, but I’m feeling so much better already. I think knowing means I can do what I can to not get there. Plus I won’t be spending 2 weeks in Yellowknife 🙂

  3. Pingback: Happy Hump Day! | Cowgirl Runs

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